Formulating Opinions

I sit here in my bed and I think to myself, “Why is it that the world is so completely blinded to the abundant life Christ offers?” I know how He has blessed my life, has called me in this life, and has filled my entire being day after day with His presence… and it leaves me confused that people do not desire to reach out and embrace the blessings of God.

They want to hold on to their sinful lifestyle… because they feel as if it will fill them in a way that will “satisfy”. It won’t satisfy. It’s worth it people… it’s worth it to lose your sin and gain Christ!

I’ve come to the point in my relationship with my Dad to know he will not come to Christ through me. Well, I guess I realized that a while back, but something in me still wants to share with him. It’s an urgent feeling inside of me that is begging him to know Christ. I can no longer beg him to embrace Christ, but instead beg Christ to embrace him – which I do almost every day.

Today’s conversation with my Dad began lightly, with funny stories about life and what’s happening around me. It moved to his life, what’s going on. My heart broke at the sound of it, and how clearly he just doesn’t grasp what’s being offered to him through Christ. He asked what God’s Word says about a particular subject, and I gave him Scripture that clearly defines it. He had a problem with it, got defensive, called me judgmental – the usual routine.

I’m still baffled as to why I am seen as being judgmental, when I love my Dad immensly. He apparently has a problem when I don’t give in and say “it’s ok Dad, there’s nothing wrong with that activity.” I’m not going to give in to the gray area, and therefore I am “young and naive and don’t understand.”

It’s not that I am young or naive, but that I am standing firmly on the Truth, and will not waiver.

He has bought into the common Christian lie that having God as a PART of your life – as in an addition to your every day acticity – is what brings salvation. The Word of God I read speaks clearly against that, and instead points to a daily replacement of the flesh and complete filling of Christ in the life of the believer. His question was “So everything is about God?” My answer “Yes.”

He says I am formulating an opinion, and that the Bible is open to interpretation. I believe it says what it says – point blank. I am not a gray area person, I think it’s disgusting.

I don’t know which is more difficult – being 20 and knowing the answers, or being 40 and believing the lie.

GAD

Well, after months of depression, I finally went to the doctor to find out what was going on with me. I have General Anxiety Disorder. I googled it to learn more about it and make sure that yes, the doctor did in fact diagnose me correctly, and what I read opened my eyes to what’s been going on with me for a long time…

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/anxiety-disorders/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad.shtml

There’s the wonderful link if any of you seem to be having issues with intense worry or anxiety. There’s help, and it’s available, you just have to be willing to ask for it.

The Vent.

I’m having a really hard time dealing with this medicine working its way out of my system.

I’m sad… all the time. I have more feelings of unworthiness than probably ever before. I dwell on things that are over and done with. I always feel as if I’m not good enough. I’m struggling. I have all the answers. I know the truth. I just can’t seem to get everything into place.

I’m afraid of a lot of things… and I’m trying to let it go.

Jesus please, please take this from me. If it’s something I must endure, please carry me through to the end, show me your light every day, and please Lord, please draw me closer to you through this storm.

I will praise you in this storm.

Please, Jesus, help me. Comfort those around me who are in my life. Please Lord, please comfort Nick through this, give him Your strength to get through this. Please Lord, please bring Your comfort and Your victory. I know You will, You always do. Save me from myself, because my flesh is weak, I am weak, You are my strength. I can’t do this without You Lord, I’m too fragile and frail…

All I can do is cry, all I can do is lay here. Carry me through the day Lord, move in me to smile, to love, to do my schoolwork, to do my job, to type my articles, to love the people around me. Carry me Lord Jesus, please. I don’t know what I’m doing. I know what You’ve called me to, and I’m afraid of it. I don’t know how to do this Lord, I have no idea. I’m afraid I’ll fail, I’m afraid I won’t be good enough. I’m afraid I won’t be able to love this man You’ve called me to marry the way he needs it. I’m afraid I won’t be able to succeed in writing. I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it Lord. I’m afraid I’ll fail at everything. I’m afraid I’ll turn the wrong way.

Lord I’m so sorry for running from You before. I’m running to You Lord. I’m running and begging that You please Lord, just PLEASE lift me up. My past haunts me. Who I used to be haunts me. Lord, I know I am not that person anymore. I know I am not lying anymore. I know I am not exaggerating anymore. I know that I am not manipulating anymore. I know I’m not that person, but Lord that person haunts me!

She screams at me, she tells me that I’m kidding myself. Who am I to think that I could ever have all of this. Eternal life? Love? Marriage? A career as a speaker and a helper? Out to change the world, huh? You think you can do this? You’re crazy. You’re not strong enough. You’re not good enough. You think you’re new? No. Look back Brittany, look back at all that mess. Yeah, that’s right, you made those messes. You deserved to be walked out on Brittany. You deserved it. You lied, you cheated, you stole. Nice mask you wore, huh, Brittany? Yeah, thats right. You know it’s the truth. You know that you can’t do this. Writing? Are you serious? Come on Brittany. Go do something else. Who cares if God called you to it, you’ve never written a book in your life. Marriage? Seriously Brittany? You wonder why everyone left you before, I figured you would have gotten the hint by now that you’re just going to drive this one away to. Just quit Brittany, you’re a failure anyway. Everyone tells you that you can make it, that you’re worth this. We know the truth Brittany, we both know. You’re just as screwed up as you used to be and always will be. Enjoy your bed, enjoy the tears, that’s all you’ll ever amount to. You should just put the mask back on Brittany. You see how Nick’s frustrated? You see that Brittany? It’s all because you just wouldn’t hide anymore. He sees who you are Brittany and oh look, he doesn’t even want to be around you. You should really just quit before he does, otherwise it’ll happen just like all the others. He’ll leave you Brittany, eventually he’ll get tired of this, tired of you. Your commitment to people never worked before Brittany, they all quit on you. This time you’ve dug yourself even deeper, because this time you actually let your guard down. You’ve showed him who you are Brittany, and eventually he’ll realize that you’re nothing, just like I’ve been telling you all along.

LLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s all that is.

Lord, Please. Speak to me. Move my fingers. Type Your Words. Bring Your life. Please Lord, Please Lord, Please Lord. I will sit here until You move my fingers. Show me who I am Lord, Show me who You are Lord.

Brittany, my beloved daughter. I love you so much. You’re beautiful, you’re forgiven, you’re loved, you’re chosen, you’re blessed, you’re redeemed. I’ve redeemed your past Brittany, it’s gone. Let it go. I know you struggled for a long time, but Brittany, I didn’t let you do that this time. You tried Brittany, because you were afraid, you are afraid. You built up a wall Brittany, you built it up to hide who you were. You know who you are Brittany. You’re my daughter, you’re a wonderful writer. Why do you think Sandra hasn’t fired you yet? I opened that door, Brittany, because I’ve called you to write. How can you say you’re not qualified for this? Brittany you see what you’ve been through, you see how I’ve carried you through it. Remember what I revealed to you this summer and what I called you to this summer. Brittany I tore down your wall, I brought you out of hiding. All of it was to show you that yes, Brittany, this is it!!! You’re so beautiful, you’re so loving and caring. I know you were hurt Brittany, but all of that played into this beautiful picture of REDEMPTION. I let you keep your wall up with everyone, all because I knew how you felt. You don’t think you have anything to offer, but you do Brittany. You have yourself to offer. You’ve never given anyone yourself before, just the lies. Remember that book, Brittany? Remember Sarah? She thought she had nothing to offer, but she did. She had never todl anyone her name. You, Brittany, never told anyone the absolute truth. But now you have. You gave Nick YOU, for who YOU are. And Brittany, he loves you so much and he hates to see you beat yourself up the way you do. Brittany, I love you so much. I have redeemed you and made you new. FORGET ALL OF THAT MESS BEHIND BRITTANY. You don’t have to go clean it up, because there is no mess left. Your head tells you it’s still there, but we both know that it’s gone. I, the Lord Jesus, have rescued you. None of it matters, what matters is what’s happening now Brittany. You came out of hiding, and you heard My voice. You remember the night you asked me “Lord, whatever it is You want me to do, show me and I will!!! Whatever you want Lord!” I showed you Brittany, you remember. You were sitting in that pew, listening to him preach. You were standing there with him, his arms around you. You were holding his hand, praising me. You were holding his child, and he kissed you. You don’t need to worry about every detail of everything Brittany, I will guide you. Step by step by step. No need to be overwhelmed, no need to think you can’t do this. You can, because I am in you, and I am doing this through you. I’ve spoken to you through so many people Brittany, you know when it’s Me. Look at you, you’re laying in your bed and you’re calm. You’re not anxious, you’re not heavy. Your eyes hurt from crying so much, but you’re peacful right now as you type. I’m here with you Brittany, I am. You can let it out Brittany, but don’t dwell on it. Don’t try to go back into everything, I have told you through my Word to forget it. Don’t listen to the adversary as he accuses you. You’re not a theif, or a liar, or a failure. You’re my daughter. MINE. I have purchased you. And yes, YOU are worth all of it. Every drop of my blood, you are worth. Reflect upon Me, Brittany, come and taste all of the beautiful things I have showed you. Do you remember when I told My people it was time to enter into the promised land and they didn’t? They wandered for 40 years because they wouldn’t enter into my sweet goodness. Brittany, it’s right here. Everything you’ve ever dreamed is right here in front of you. You only thought they were dreams and would never come true. Brittany, I am the One who makes your dreams come true. You’re going to be an amazing speaker and writer for girls. I am going to use you in so many ways to point them to Me! I am going to rescue their hearts through your words. ME in YOU, Brittany. We make such a perfect team. You are such a perfect tool for me to use. You are fun, you’re encouraging, you’re loving, you’re compassionate. You love life Brittany! You love friends, music, people, dancing, movement. You love it. You love the stillness of resting in Me. And you love to write. You’re so good at it Brittany! I have given you that ability. Sure, you could do great things in other areas if you put your mind to it, but Brittany that’s not your heart. Your heart is what I’ve called you to. You remember that night at camp. When I called you. What was it that you wanted to do? You wanted yes, to speak, and yes, to write. I use your writing Brittany, I use it to touch the hearts of so many people. Remember the prayer journal? I spoke to Nick through that in so many ways. More ways than you know. Your letters to your friends, awesome. Your notes and your thoughts that you spill onto this computer and into your journals, oh Brittany, they change lives. I’m right here Brittany, I’m right here with you. I’m using you even now. You know why I’ve called you to write and why I’ve called you to speak? Because Brittany, you’ve been there. You know what divorce feels like, you know what heartbreak feels like, you know what walls are built up. But most of all Brittany, you know what freedom is found when you are Mine. Remember that month in Peru? It was you and Me. You were so broken adn so frail, I was right there with you. You know when all of this started, you remember the day you knew you needed me. You remember when you asked me into your heart. And you remember the day you GAVE me your heart. I’ve still got it Brittany, I’ve had it since you were 12. You just couldn’t see it because you were still afraid to show anyone. Hey, Beloved, I’m right here, and I’ve blessed you! Don’t lose focus Brittany. I am your focus. I am your heavenly groom. I have rescued your broken heart. Yes, I’m using people in your life to point you to Me. Yes, Nick is one of them. Remember this summer? Remember how afraid you were and how I promised you time and time again that YES, Brittany, this is it. This is him! You’ve been waiting your whole life for that person who would stick it out with you. That person who would love you, cherish you, challenge you. Brittany, he’s right here. His name is Nicholas Ryan Alley. You remember the night I called you to be his. That will happen Brittany, you just have to not worry about it. You’re not getting yourself anywhere by worrying. It’s ok that you’re having to let go of things so you can move forward. Just daily Brittany, daily let it go. Surrender it to me. Put it at the foot of the cross Brittany.

Lord, take this burden.

Doesn’t that feel wonderful, Brittany. Doesn’t it feel so incredibly good? I’m right here with you, every step of the way. You can do this Brittany. You can do your schoolwork, you can commit to being a writer, you can be the woman Nick needs. You pray all the time that I will mold you into that person, and Brittany, I am. I won’t slam this shut, I promised you that. I brought you through this summer just as I promised, I will bring you through the rest of this just as I have promised. Take it day by day Brittany, renew your mind. You have my Word in your heart. You know what it says. Remind yourself daily Brittany, and I will carry you through. You think you have no idea what you’re doing, but you’re doing it just fine Brittany. Cry it out, but don’t let it hinder you. Spend time with me daily, I will be Your strength. Focus on Me, Brittany, I am guiding you. I will carry you through this Brittany. And remeber, YOU’RE NEW! You’re beautiful, you’re MY daughter, and yes Brittany, you are worth this. All of it. My blood, eternal life, this love, this marriage, this calling to be a writer and a speaker. You know why you’re worth this? Because I am the One who called you to it. All of it. I will carry you through, because I am in You, and I am the LORD!

Mood swings.

I don’t know about many of you ladies, but if you have ever taken birth control, Im’ sure you’ve suffered through some of the things I’ve been battling lately. It came to my attention Sunday that I have not at all been myself lately, and it was beginning to worry Nick. I thought about what had changed to make me this way (hormonal, moody, nautious, frsutrated, always tired) and it hit me, the birth control I began taking two weeks ago to help with my cramping issues.

I am writing this to all of you to warn you of the intense side effects that can come if you are taking a birth control pill that is not suitable to your body. I am blessed to have discovered the problem early on instead of later (I heard a story earlier today about a girl who didn’t realize what was wrong and fell into a depression for 2 years). If you are struggling with any of this, you seriously need to contact your doctor and find a pill more suited for you. My doctor has changed my prescription ot YAZ, which apparently is made to fight this craziness and prevent us from falling into a depressive state while on the pill. Check it out… see if it’s right for you.

http://www.yaz-us.com

Balance.

The hype of life has left me without much time for spilling my guts to the internet world. My apologies…

I’m sitting in front of Nick’s computer on this cloudy Sunday afternoon, listening to him snore and fighting the urge to go fall asleep beside him. I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night, but if I were to fall asleep now my eyelashes would crimp and I would be left with sleep in my eyes and that weird feeling of “just woke up” breath. You know what I’m talking about.

So I’m finally back at Eagle Eye! Good feeling? Indeed. Friday and Saturday were perhaps my two least favorite days ever working there, but only because of the Labor Day sidewalk sale in which I was strategically placed outside for my entire 2-715 shift on Friday and then 830-715 shift on Saturday. The joys of being the “new kid” at work; although technically I’m not a new kid, I still had to re-fill out my W4 so the files are claiming me as a newby. Lucky me, there is a tropical storm coming in tonight/tomorrow so even my new kid status will not force me out onto that sidewalk. Lord, bring the rain!

In other news, Nick and I began a couples devotional this past week. I don’t know if I mentioned it in any earlier posts, but let me just say that it is AWESOME! Considering we didn’t have a second of alone time yesterday due to work and Alabama football, we did our couple time today and talked about how we were being challenged and spoken to through God’s Word and Spirit. Both of us had similar but opposite challenges. I don’t know if that made sense to you, but I assure you it lines up. My eyes are being opened more and more daily to the reasons God has called us to be together. He uses us in the others’ life to balance everything out. Nick is very quiet, contemplative. I am very verbal, loud, irrational even at times. It’s good to see how he daily breaks out of his head and begins to talk about things, and how instead of taking everything at surface level I am actually beginning to pick through my thoughts and see what’s really going on inside of me. I’ve been amazed to discover what’s all going on up there. Some good, some bad.

Other than that there really isn’t any news to be shared; sorry for the short and sweet post. I just wanted to give you an update, let you know that Jesus loves you, and give you a virtual high 5. Have a happy Sunday, and go dance in the rain tomorrow.

It’s Saturday and it’s raining.

I love the rain. It’s a great day for a good book. I think when I go to work I’ll be sure to bring a book with me and spend my 4 hours of work losing myself in its pages.

Life lately has been pretty hectic. There’s a lot going on, and my mind likes to run in circles and freak out when there are so many changes. The good thing is, the Lord is still right by my side, guiding me in every step of the way, and giving me peace and hope when I feel I can’t take the challenges.

A list of the current challenges:

1) Moving from no time with Nick, to all time with Nick, to only a little time with Nick.

          This is perhaps the toughest challenge of all. I went from missing him every second of the day, to having him almost every second of the day. Now that school has begun and he is back at work, it’s difficult. It’s good to have middle ground once again, but it’s still a transition and therefore it’s still a challenge. I am definitely glad that it’s happened, because it’s been needed. We’re beginning a devotional together soon and I’m extremely excited about it. It’s a devotional that you do alone all week and then come together to do it on Saturday. It’s focus is falling more in love with the Lord. That’s probably my favorite part, because I know the only way to have a successful relationship is to always be falling more in love with Jesus. Most people don’t understand that, but if they could wrap their arms around it they would see the beauty of love that only flows from an ever so intimate relationship with our Creator. He is what brings us closer together, and it’s only done by drawing closer to Him.

2. School!!!!!!!!!!!!

          Oh beloved school. I am taking 17 hours this semester – well, 17 if my student loan money will ever come in so I can begin my self-paced instruction Science course through TCC. I have set up my schedule to have classes back to back on Monday/Wednesday, with only one class on Tuesday/Thursday and also Friday. All of my classes are geared toward the pratical side of ministry, which is something that is new to me. For the past two years all of my classes have been in-depth Bible study for the most part, which has been a blessing, but I’m glad to finally be getting some of the practical application. Too much theology and Bible can result in an overload of information. Application is a blessing, and I’m thoroughly excited to have a semester packed full of it. I have one teacher who is new, and she seems to be a little (no, ALOT) intense. I’m hoping as the semester goes on she will calm down and bit and realize we have more than just her class. She taught elementary students for so long that I’m nervous she will look at us as only having her for a teacher instead of 5 or 6 others. Who knows, maybe she’ll chill out. I’m EXTREMELY excited about my student ministry courses and also my pastoral counseling class. My counseling professor, Dr Burns, stimulates discussion in th classroom and challenges us to dig in. I’m really enjoying that class so far.

3. Eagle Eye Outfitters

          Something my heart has been convicted of all summer is leaving Eagle Eye. God made it clear to me that I needed to go back every time I walked in the door; plus He so greatly slammed 3 doors shut at the school and had me let go from the job at the children’s botique. The job at the gym was nothing I ever desired, and even while in it my desire for the job wasn’t there. One thing I am very thankful for from the summer at the gym is the nights in the gym by myself, especially moments sweeping the floor. Those times were needed, but once the semester started it was all too clear to me that I needed to make things right and go abck to where I belong. When I had the one day of praying about leaving Eagle Eye before, God told me not to leave and I did anyway out of my frustration with the company. So yes, I prayed about it, then talked to Nick about it, then went and talked to Mark, praying the whole way there that God’s will be done in the interview and that he make it very clear if I am to come back. He did, and Mark gave me my job back, and I start back hopefully this coming weekend, if not then the next week. Walking in that door felt like coming to another piece of home, and I was very thankful to the Lord for pulling me back.

4. What’s next?

          Nick and I were talking the other night about the future of ministry for us. Now that Nick has graduated he is beginning to pray and think about a future position in a church. I have begun to intensly pray about where God is going to lead us, just praying that He will prepare our hearts for whatever He has and prepare me to follow Nick’s lead into a life of ministry. I really feel God has already been preparing us just through our time at Bay Springs, and I look forward to seeing what else takes place. Whether we stay at Bay Springs for a while longer or leave sometime soon, I just pray that the Lord’s will be done and that He leads us as He sees fit.

So that’s life right now. Transition upon transition upon transition. Life seems to be a little crazy, which it is, but a routine will come soon and that will be wonderful.

Growth.

Over the past few weeks I’ve realized something – I really don’t have any desire to get to know any of the new people coming in to the school this semester. I’ve wondered if that’s just me being selfish, but after talking to a few people about it, I’ve come tot he conclusion that it’s just a different stage of life. I have great friends, I am committed to one person for the rest of my life, I am no longer in a dorm atmosphere. I’m just over the crazy find new friends and find myself stage of life.

It feels good.

The other day I was talking to David Bridwell about his decision to stay or go from his job at the church. He and his wife, Hope, are debating whether or not to stay at the church where he is currently serving or move to North Carolina for school. He made a statement that I’ve been thinking about lately – “When I no longer have the desire to even go to the church, it’s a good sign that it’s time to leave.”

I guess I’m just not sure that I want to work in the gym anymore. I’m sure part of that is because I just don’t want to be around everyone all of the time, but also because both of my jobs are at the school and I almost feel as if I’m suffocating from time to time. I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet; I still have to pray about it. I’m thinking about going back to Eagle Eye… but like I said, I have to pray about it and talk to Nick about it.

Just some random thoughts for the day.

This is Home.

This song has been a tool used to revolutionize my thought process and shape my heart this summer.

I’ve got my memories
Always inside of me
But I can’t go back
Back to how it was

I believe now
I’ve come too far
No I can’t go back
Back to how it was

Created for a place
I’ve never known

Chorus:
This is home
Now I’m finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I’ve been searching
For a place of my own
Now I’ve found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Belief over misery
I’ve seen the enemy
And I won’t go back
Back to how it was

And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It’s not over yet
We are miracles
And we’re not alone
Yeah

(Chorus)

And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I’m gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I’m gonna call it home
Home

(Chorus)

Now I know
Yeah, this is home

I’ve come too far
And I won’t go back
Yeah, this is home

-Switchfoot

If you haven’t heard it, you should listen. And if you’re in the boat I’m in, study the lyrics and see what it says.

lovesick

I can’t begin to express how good my heart feels right now. My stomach, on the other hand, is about to cave in on itself. I’m waiting for some delicious cheese wantons from Canton to arrive here on my work desk.

My love is home after over 2 months of adventures in South Africa and Mozambique. HOORAH! Every crazy thought from the summer and every worry about the emptiness floating around inside of me came to a close Saturday night when he stepped off that plane. As I continually sought God’s counsel on the broken condition of my heart, He always said the same thing: It will make sense when Nick gets home. Hearing that didn’t help anything, because the void was still there. I held onto the fear of not being fully surrendered to my Lord, when in all actuality I was learning a lesson in appreciation and my void came from the absence of the man I’ve been called to marry. The pieces were back together the second I saw him, and I couldn’t even think anything. I could only feel, and I felt home for the first time since he left.

As jubilant as I feel, I know that now more than ever is the time to be on my guard, keeping fervent in prayer and dedication to seeking the face of my Lord Jesus Christ. Reunited after 2 months of separation = intense passion for one another, which can turn into more physical temptation than ever before. My quiet time today was James 1:12-15 – “Blessed is a man who persevers under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. Let no one say when he is temted, ‘I am being tempted by God’; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not temt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust is conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.”

Well, the Lord knew what was going on when I started studying James, and those verses were strategically placed in my path at this time. I remember Dr Richards talking to Nick and me before he left, and he warned us that the temptations would rise more than ever after he returned home. Apparently lovesickness is a true disease, and we’ve both come down with it. The cure - a constant seek after Jesus Christ and a daily bathing in His perfect Word and presence.

Other life news:

School starts 2 weeks from today and therefore I’m working double time to ensure a warm welcome for new students. Gotta love working in Marketing/Admissions. I’m sure orientation will require my presence and work, along with a huge smile and repetition of the words, “Welcome to The Baptist College of Florida. It’s so great to have you here! My name is Brittany, I’m a fellow student and also staff writer for the Marketing Team. Is there any way I can assist you in taking care of last minute obstacles before school starts? Anything from registering for classes to directions… I’m here to help.”

Being out of work for a month came with a stack of press releases to get crackin’ on, so I’ll be spending my mornings and early afternoons doing bio research on chapel speakers and then typing up articles on the many conferences coming to BCF this fall. Who would have thought we’d have so many chapel conferences in one semester?! It’s intense.

My house is a mess, and I can’t bring myself to clean it all because I have to be at work now than ever. It’s a bit frustrating, but I know eventually I’ll get it done. It’s disgusting really… dishes and such from last nights dinner are still sitting on my counter and in the sink. My mom would knock me out if she knew that.

Sitting here typing isn’t doing anything for my aching stomach, so for the remainder of my wait I’m going to indulge myself in volleyball with friends. I love the end of the summer. Everyone comes home, and I am once again surrounded by family and friends. This makes August one of my favorite months, for sure.

23 hours

In 23 hours, I will be standing in an airport, anxiously awaiting the return of my love, Nicholas Ryan Alley.

I just wanted to share this exciting news with you…

The 2 months of separation is finally coming to a close, and it’s the best feeling ever.

Tomorrow night he will be back in my arms, and I will never again let him go. Or at least not for that long.

Well, unless God pulls us away again; but lets all hope and pray that never happens.